How to Make 2020 the Year You Upped Your Leadership Game

What makes a good leader? It’s a question that has rarely been as relevant as in 2020, which might well be named “The Year of the Frustration.”

The past months have brought leadership challenges unlike any faced in recent memory. As COVID-19 snaked across the globe, it left workplaces empty as people scrambled to turn dining rooms into viable home offices. And frustrations ran amok.

Going remote made many workers feel isolated and disengaged. Suddenly, they were forced into Brady Bunch-style Zoom meetings. Everyone’s managerial and working styles seemed to be amplified.

Yet those tensions were only part of the stressors that made leading remote and virtual teams tough. Plenty of telecommuting employees had to work alongside demanding kids, spouses, and pets. Families were forced into 24/7 living and working arrangements unlike anything they’d experienced before. No one could tell where work stopped and where home life began. And tensions bubbled up, eventually affecting leaders.

Now, it’s several months later. We’ve all adjusted somewhat, but our core frustrations haven’t disappeared. People have just gotten better at accepting them, including people who think they’re managing successfully but are secretly hoping that this, too, shall pass. Unfortunately, that’s a pipe dream. The only way to overcome frustrations is to face them head-on.

Leadership in Times of Crisis

So how can you hone the art of leadership during adversity and crisis? First, understand that you’ll be in charge of at least partially remote work teams for the rest of your career.

Working from home has always been an attractive alternative to offices. Now, it has become a mainstay. However, all this newfound positivity around remote work can be difficult for leaders trying to reopen their doors. Instead of going back to “work as usual,” they’re faced with employees who expect their supervisors to show empathy and optimism and allow them to work from anywhere.

Yes, leadership during the coronavirus has its frustrations, but it also has its upshots for anyone willing to see these uncharted waters as a chance to develop the qualities that make a good leader even better.

Develop One of the Top Leadership Skills for 2020

Over the past months, our company has focused on identifying the top frustrations people face during COVID-19. Through an online poll, we’ve amassed more than 20,0000 data points and have discovered that most frustrations stem from miscommunication. This means that leaders who make it their missions to improve their communication abilities will be ahead of the pack going into 2021 and beyond. 

Our findings show that 88% of people are experiencing at least one frustrating relationship right now. Typically, the relationship is with a romantic partner (65%), a child (49%), or someone at the workplace (25%). However, company leaders are more likely to be frustrated by relationships with colleagues than with someone from their personal lives.

If you’re in that boat, the best way to reduce the probability of having frustrating relationships is to shift your words. If you’re struggling to be an exceptional leader, you have the power to negate your frustrations by changing the way you talk, even if the person who frustrates you does nothing.

Sound magical? It’s not. It just follows the wisdom of the immortal words of two 1980s rap philosophers, Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock: “It takes two to make a thing go right.”

How to Implement a Talk SHIFT and Reduce Your Leadership Frustrations

Making a Talk SHIFT doesn’t happen overnight, but you can make changes right now. First, to improve your ability to lead remote teams and avoid becoming frustrated, know when to offer employees autonomy and when to offer help. Not every worker needs you to hold his hand, but sometimes team members require asynchronous communications in the form of texts, phone calls, or quick Zoom meetings. 

Next, prep for all communications by writing down questions. Then, make sure you lead with those questions. Starting meetings with questions brings everyone into the fold quickly and allows you to avoid commandeering the conversation. Finally, actively listen to what your employees tell you. Engage yourself in the process of learning from others, and they’ll be more apt to echo your engagement.

Frustrations are part of 2020, and many people feel like their relationships are strained. That’s a fact. However, people who want to grow will use this year as a chance to explore and practice exceptional leadership. Will you join the team?

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How to Elicit the Best Answers by Asking the Right Questions

When you’re the office problem solver, you have a problem yourself: You’re not asking enough questions. Instead of hearing others' value-packed insights, you create an echo chamber with only your solutions.

Years ago, I fell into the trap of being the go-to person. I was leading through expertise rather than seeking solutions from others. Even though it felt natural at the time, it wasn't the right approach. Not only did I stilt office efficiency with my "see me for answers" strategy, but I also weakened my team’s collective brainpower because I made every decision.

Having all the answers feels good; it’s even a bit of an adrenaline rush. However, if you’re not learning how to ask the right questions, you’re undermining your success and the success of your teammates.

The Power of Questions

Harvard researchers came to a fascinating conclusion while studying the effect of asking questions during one-on-one communication. They discovered that asking probing, pertinent questions made the questioner appear more likable and responsive.

Unfortunately, we don't know the top questions to ask someone. We're not sure what to ask to elicit meaningful discussions and foster deeper connections. Some people worry about how they’ll appear if all they do is ask questions, and introverts and extroverts alike often fret that their inquisitiveness makes them appear uneducated or foolish.

But let’s face it: No one can realistically know everything. Domo estimates that we generate 2.5 quintillion bytes of data daily. Who could process that much information? Thankfully, the people in your life have valuable opinions, and you can tap into that knowledge bank. Learning how to ask the right questions is the key to becoming a better co-worker and leader.

All questions are not created equal. For example, "How are you?" and "What's up?" may intend to illicit deep responses, but they're thrown around too casually for people to answer genuinely. You don’t want to pepper your colleagues or clients with mundane questions that serve no purpose.

Similarly, don't ask anything that is a directive in disguise. For instance, “Shouldn’t you be working on that project today?” translates to “I want you to work on that project pronto.” It's not a question. Don't manipulate people to reach the same conclusions as you. Leading questions are a manipulation tactic, not a way to learn something unique.

Are You Asking the Right Questions?

So what are the top questions to ask someone? The details and specifics may change depending on the situation, but the best ones fall into two distinct categories:

1. “On a Scale of 1 to 10”

The Likert scale, which slides between extremes like "strongly agree" and "strongly disagree" with a neutral option in the middle, offers an appealing method of getting quantifiable subjective responses to questions (particularly sensitive ones). Instead of forcing people to come to an either-or conclusion, the Likert scale allows them to express their true opinions.

“On a scale of 1 to 10” questions are perfect for receiving feedback. In a workplace setting, for example, you could ask employees “Am I a good leader? Please answer with a number from 1 to 10.” Instinctively, your co-worker will establish whether you belong in the bottom half (one to four) or top half (six to 10). From that point, he or she will pick a number that feels right based on your relationship.

The answer you receive will be in numerical form. Let’s say someone answered with a six. That means your employee feels your leadership capabilities are mostly positive but have some room for growth. This gives you an opening to say, “Thank you. What would the difference be between a six and an eight?” From there, you can talk more about expectations and get a clearer understanding of how you can improve.

2. Open-Ended

Open-ended questions encourage dialogue, not one-word answers. Think about how much you could learn if you asked a project manager “What tasks are you working on now that you find particularly challenging?” instead of “Are any of your tasks presenting a challenge?”

Not sure how to come up with open-ended questions to ask? A good trick is to allow yourself to go down the rabbit hole during conversations. Piggyback on responses like the most engaging late-night talk show hosts do. Some people recommend asking "Why?" three times in a row to peel back the onion layers, which can work. Just don’t be obnoxious. Show sincere curiosity and resist the temptation to think you know what the answer will be. If you're looking to validate your own ideas, then you won't glean anything from the conversation.

If you're working on how to get better at asking questions, you'll see your relationships with other people progress and deepen. You'll stop being the know-it-all and start being the person others rely on and confide in. Over time, your efforts will pay off handsomely — you won't be left in the dark again.

Take my Talk SHIFT assessment to discover other changes that can improve your personal and professional communication skills.

4 Ways to Embrace and Inspire Employee Autonomy

Few companies have explicit discussions regarding employee autonomy and its benefits. Why? Executives and managers likely think they already embody an autonomous management style. Unfortunately, I regularly see evidence to the contrary. Leaders will delegate tasks and micromanage employees instead of letting their teams have autonomy at work.

This isn’t a sign of poor management. Rather, it’s a misunderstanding regarding the importance and definition of staff empowerment (which is directly tied to engagement). Fewer than a third of employees feel actively engaged, and disengagement often dead-ends in absenteeism, reduced productivity, increased turnover, and lukewarm morale.

So what do bosses do to counteract disconnection? Typically, they hand out bonuses or raises. Though that sounds reasonable, research reveals that when financial stability is no longer a worry, annual monetary perks mean less and less. After all, everyone gets a salary bump sooner or later. Money isn’t a motivator or indicator of exceptional performance, but autonomy is.

Why Is Autonomy Important?

When bosses embrace and inspire employee autonomy, they show trust in their team. Think of it as handing your car keys over to someone else. If you really trust someone, you won’t worry about the person’s driving skills or the state of your car. Instead, you’ll hand them the key fob and put faith in their abilities.

Of course, exhibiting full confidence in others’ decisions can be tough. You may be hesitant to give up control, but inserting yourself will annoy top performers who may start looking elsewhere for more freedom. After all, superstars get paid handsomely; the differentiator for them is finding an employer that promotes and practices autonomy in leadership.

If you want to employ an autonomous management style and retain and attract top talent, here’s what you can do:

1. Talk about autonomous leadership.

Before instituting any type of formal program changes, discuss autonomy to fuel employee engagement and get everyone on the same page. Bring in a few of your key players for one-on-one discussions. Ask them to define their idea of micromanagement versus autonomy and find out what they think of their current freedom as well as your communication style.

The point of this exercise is to set the stage for handing out authority raises in the future. Listen, learn, take detailed notes, and talk only if you need to prompt more dialogue. Ultimately, you want co-workers to feel safe as they share their vision for an autonomous boss-employee relationship. Consider bringing in an external speaker to get the ball rolling.

2. Design a general autonomy model.

An autonomy model outlines when and where worker self-governance takes place. For example, your model might establish that an employee can move forward with projects and tasks that fall under a certain dollar amount (e.g., administrative assistants can order supplies and equipment under $250 or customer service representatives can refund clients up to $1,000). These parameters ensure continued progress toward end goals.

Autonomy isn’t restricted to financial considerations, either. Consider decreasing the number of check-ins you have with your team or exchanging weekly meetings for monthly ones. Base your model on what makes sense for your team and remember that you can tweak it.

3. Reserve micromanagement for specific circumstances.

Contrary to popular belief, micromanagement isn’t all bad, and it can coexist with an autonomous management style. In fact, micromanagement may be necessary in some cases, such as crises or unprecedented events. For example, many leaders took the reins in order to navigate the coronavirus pandemic, and they might maintain control even as things return to normal.

Make a conscious decision to micromanage appropriately. How you handle micromanagement will depend on your business, but as long as you’re aware of why you’re being hands-on, you can be confident that you’re making the right choice. If you’re ever not certain which way you lean, tell your employees to alert you when you become overbearing.

4. Make it OK for employees to self-advocate.

At some points, you’ll likely contradict your autonomy model. When you overstep your bounds, your colleagues should feel comfortable telling you without worrying that you’ll take offense. This can be a huge shift in the traditional corporate hierarchy arrangement, but it works.

When you give out autonomy raises, explain to each employee that you’re going to honor the boundaries set within your agreed-upon model. Add that you’re open to improvement and want the experience to be positive, so they’re welcome to come to you for autonomy-supportive leadership.

Autonomous leadership works brilliantly to foster team collaboration and trust. If you’re looking for other ways to boost your emotional intelligence and communication skills, take my Talk SHIFT assessment.

3 Habits of Highly Appreciative Leaders

Leadership and gratitude often compete against each other. Leaders know they need to show employees how appreciative they are of their stellar work, but they also want to jump on opportunities to coach and guide. Sometimes it's easier to point out mistakes in lieu of finding something to praise. However, professionals who grasp the importance of gratitude in leadership do themselves and their teams a huge service.

When you lead with positivity, you imbue your workforce with the belief that it’s okay to take calculated risks and make unintended mistakes. That’s called empowerment, and it plays a huge factor in engagement. In fact, Gallup found that the way managers acted or reacted could sway corporate engagement factors by up to 70%. When team members feel comfortable stretching their potential, they develop a sense of commitment and loyalty to their company.

Leading with gratitude involves developing and exhibiting emotional intelligence. When paired together, they help a leader make smarter decisions and build closer departmental bonds. However, emotional intelligence isn't easy to master. Unlike a technical ability, it can’t be learned from a textbook, which is why it’s a unicorn trait among executives.

Frankly, I used to think that emotional intelligence involved being honest about the way I felt. I wasn’t totally wrong, but I just scratched the surface and failed to completely understand the importance of gratitude in leadership. Yes, it encourages you to own your feelings, but you can’t stop there. Try to understand why your emotions are surfacing and what they really mean. If you can answer those questions, you'll be able to read others' emotions and make smarter professional judgments and choices.

Once I discovered how to power up my emotional intelligence correctly, I was able to develop my leadership and gratitude skill sets. You can too, even if you’ve been struggling. Try out the following exercises; they’re meant to reframe the way you feel and act:

1. Name what or who makes you grateful.

Every morning, write down at least three experiences, things or people  you’re grateful for. This could be your health, your parents, a pet, a vacation, etc. It could also be something about you, such as your unwavering determination. Don’t limit yourself or assume you have to choose the “right” answers. We can appreciate everything from the majestic oak tree we pass every day to the fact that technology has made connecting over distance a little easier. If you want, fill up a whole piece of paper with things you're grateful for — just be genuine and truthful.

2. Go into detail about one of the items or individuals you listed.

Scan your list of things  you appreciate. Focus on one and either write down or say aloud exactly why it makes you feel grateful. It doesn't need to be long-winded: A 30-second monologue can get right to the point. Of course, if you’re so inclined, you can talk to yourself all morning. If you want to dive deep, pretend you're talking to another person during this step. You may make some incredible self-discoveries that help you practice emotional intelligence.

3. Take your sense of appreciation  into the workday.

Why do I want you to add these tasks to your morning routine? It’s all part of training your brain and creating muscle memory. If you start the day grateful, you’ll see opportunities to exhibit gratitude in your leadership. For example, let's say a colleague handled the task of calling a challenging client for you. A passing "Thanks" wouldn’t model the importance of gratitude in business. Instead, explain to your coworker why you’re thankful: “I appreciate how you took over that time-consuming task for me. I really value working together." I guarantee your coworker will experience a positive boost that improves their day.

Let me be clear: Leading with gratitude isn’t 100% altruistic. Yes, your team will be stronger and more cohesive, but you’ll get a big advantage out of the process, too. You’ll foster a feedback loop of positive encouragement and increase your value to your company. And that’s going to bode well for your career.

If you're shifting to a gratitude-first mindset and want to know what other changes you should make to your communication, take my TalkSHIFT assessment today!

How Companies Can Help Hiring Managers Hire Top Talent

What’s harder: finding and hiring a “talent unicorn" or taking a selfie with an actual unicorn?

Plenty of hiring managers would say it’s a toss-up. After all, established superstars with stellar résumés either have jobs already or get snatched up immediately. They don’t even have to look — interview requests come to them.

Despite the heavy competition, wooing talent unicorns is worth all the planning, searching and waiting. After all, top talents are efficient team members who can be four times more productive than their peers. But attracting and keeping a high-performing applicant’s attention requires a solid corporate courtship funnel.

That’s where the issue lies. Hiring managers might realize the steps required to grab key recruits, but they may not be supported by senior executives. Regrettably, without C-suite assistance, hiring managers rarely have all the ingredients necessary to appeal to top-notch candidates.

How to Collectively Onboard Superstars

Start with an engaging job listing. It’s well-worn advice, but it holds true. Without an exciting and dynamic description, a job might get lost in the multitude of postings on hiring boards. Think pithy, eye-catching headlines and an overview of the role that’s 300 words or fewer. The goal is to create a corporate advertisement, not a policy document.

After this step, hiring managers need to sift through the applicants and contact the best. Look for signs of excellence and dedication such as previous promotions, an impressive GPA, or leadership experience. This expertise is easily identifiable on a résumé, but don’t forget to look for soft skills, too. Partner with the human resources department to identify applicants that might mesh well with the existing company culture and workforce.

After managers have identified strong applicants, they should then facilitate an introductory call within 24 hours. Ideally, the call should be handled by someone in the C-suite — even if it’s short. A phone call from an organization’s vice president carries weight. Try sending a quick voice message via LinkedIn.

These aren’t the only ways that hiring managers can work with C-suite members when appealing to overachievers. Below are several other strategies that, when employed in tandem, can improve the collective quality of any business’s recruits.

1. Use the corporate vision as a guiding light.

The company’s philosophy and vision can be used as a platform when making hiring decisions. Hiring managers, human resources leaders, and C-suite executives should often discuss their companies’ objectives and future goals. If hiring managers know what to look for, then they can pursue candidates who best embody the organization’s direction and principles.

2. Communicate and collaborate when hiring.

 Many hiring managers feel like they’re left to their own devices. Frequent check-ins with executives can help hiring managers anticipate staffing needs and propose succession plans. For instance, if a senior vice president wants to promote internally, a hiring manager can encourage mentorship and find fits for current or future job openings.

3. Make talent acquisition data available.

Human resources personnel should provide relevant employee or hiring information if it can help managers identify incredible applicants. When both teams work together, they can reduce cost per hire, decrease the turnover rate, and reel in the best applicants. Data utilization can also be a boon for talent decision leaders: Those who use analytics are promoted 6.3 times more often than those who don’t.

4. Provide exposure to higher-ups.

Set aside time at interviews for introducing candidates to company leaders. Very few organizations employ this approach, but providing exposure to top-tier players can be a competitive differentiator. After the meeting, the hiring manager can reinforce the significance of the introductions by asking, “Have you met executives at any other job interviews?” A smart cookie will get the hint.

5. Move at lightning-fast speed.

You can’t afford to make hiring mistakes, but you also can’t afford to drag your feet. Rapidly respond at all stages of the hiring process, and try to seal the deal in four weeks or less. This means that all personnel involved with hiring needs to be responsive and aware. The nimbler you are, the easier it will be to hire the A-list candidate you want. C-suite hesitation can cost businesses talented potential employees.

Sure, scouting for talent unicorns requires hustle and patience, but they’re worth the fuss. Collaborate with other departments before, during, and after the hunt. Soon enough, you’ll be rewarded with a team of crackerjack pros ready to help you disrupt, scale, and succeed.

Do you know someone who would be interested in reading about recruiting top talent? Share this blog post to help encourage collaboration between senior executives and hiring managers. And if you want to measure the impact of your own words, take my Talk SHIFT assessment.

4 Ways to Avoid Miscommunication in Your Messages

It’s unfortunate but true: The way you communicate can cause your employees to quake. Vocal variations — tone, pitch, cadence, and inflection — inform a listener’s experience, affecting his or her interpretation up to 38%. You might say one thing, but the other person will hear something totally different.

Leaders who don’t check their own emotions have probably caused undue fear, disappointment or anxiety in their employees. I’m as much at fault as the next boss. I used to believe I was fairly cool, calm and collected, but I didn’t realize how often I responded emotionally. My feelings would sneak into my conversations because I was unconscious of my driving emotion: fear.

Fear pervades the working world. Three out of four businesses disappear before they hit the 10-year mark, and this terrifies the managers of young companies. Individual leaders fear failure, criticism and being seen as an imposter. These anxieties are very real, but they aren’t burdens to be passed along to personnel. No one deserves to be afraid, especially when the fear stems from poor leadership communication skills.

How to Avoid Miscommunication in the Workplace

Supervisors need to check their feelings at the door and practice emotional intelligence by learning how to improve communication at work. I might be having a bad morning, but I can’t let my bad day rub off onto other people. Rather, I owe it to others and to myself to be a conscientious messenger and focus on effective leadership communication, whether I’m talking to a single person or a crowd of hundreds.

Messages can go awry in three ways: misunderstandings, miscommunications and misinterpretations. The first indirectly places fault on the listener, the second blames the speaker, but the third holds all parties accountable.

As a leader, you want to avoid miscommunications and misunderstandings at work. Don’t blame a single party. Instead, make each person responsible for how he or she delivers and receives messages. It’s easier to have a conversation about a misinterpreted message than an argument about a miscommunicated or misunderstood one.

How to Employ Effective Leadership Communication

Follow these steps for more effective leadership communication:

1. Deliver feedback with a smile.

Unless you’re deliberately trying to turn someone else’s stomach into a roiling, churning cauldron, avoid critiquing someone unless you can smile while doing it. Smiles convey and promote positivity. Of course, you don’t want to put on a fake grin, but mustering a soft smile can really help. My listener will hear constructive criticism if I explain in a friendly, albeit firm, tone, “You were late on this project.” Without a smile, they might interpret the same phrase as, “YOU WERE LATE ON THIS PROJECT.” The former case will drive receptiveness; the latter, terror.

Make no mistake: Smiles aren’t supposed to lessen the importance of what you’re saying. The goal is to show you want to help, not scare, the other person. You might be understandably mad, but wait until you’re calmer to deliver your feedback. Practicing effective leadership communication requires patience.

2. Pause and ask for responses.

During a lecture or meeting, take a verbal timeout every couple of minutes. Use the pause as an opportunity to ask others whether they understood what you meant. Don’t be hostile, just inquisitive. Asking, “Can you tell me what you heard just now?” will elicit responses to help you gauge whether you’re communicating your point.
What happens if someone heard something incorrectly? Backtrack by saying, “That wasn’t what I intended. Let me restate that.” Try not to be offended; you might have unwittingly set off a fight-or-flight response in that person’s amygdala. If they can’t seem to regroup or focus, you may want to revisit the discussion later after they work through their feelings.

3. Practice controlling the way your voice sounds.

Recording yourself speaking gives you tremendous insight into how you actually come across (which is why it’s a good way to improve communication skills at work). Yes, it can be stressful to analyze your communication patterns, but you’ll get better at using aural language aspects to your benefit.

Many people struggle with tics, such as using filler words like “um.” Other people habitually allow their sentences to rise in tone at the end. Both behaviors can cause unpleasant reactions in listeners, leaving the message unheard. Focus on making every speaking opportunity a little better than the last. This tip is especially important for leaders like me who often speak to tens of hundreds of people.

4. Record and transcribe important speeches.

Have a big board meeting next week? Giving a speech at an industry convention this quarter? Record yourself presenting and have the speech transcribed. Ask people you trust to listen to the speech or read the transcript. Find out whether they understand what you’re trying to tell them or whether they feel confused and put off.

The last thing you want is for your speech to fall flat because of a leadership communication problem you could have fixed. Gather feedback and tweak your final product accordingly so you can engage as many audience members as possible. This process is especially advantageous when you’re creating a speech that you plan to present multiple times.

Nailing the art and science of leadership communication isn’t a cut-and-dried deal. Like any skill, it takes practice. But the more work you put into learning how to improve communication at work, the more effective and efficient your conversations will be.

Bon courage!

Do you know someone who would be interested in reading about effective leadership communication styles? Share this blog post so that your bosses and teammates can avoid miscommunication at work in the future. And if you want to measure the impact of your own words, take my Talk SHIFT assessment.

How Leaders Can Learn to Overcome Their Fear of Being Emotional

The demands of a leader’s life leave little room for emotion. In fact, studies show that those on the highest rungs of the corporate ladder are less likely to be emotionally empathetic. However, studies also show that lack of empathy disconnects employees and leaders.

Before we blame leaders for being closed-off and self-serving, we should consider the circumstance.

Leadership can be lonely. The phenomenon of “emotional perfectionism” is rife. Leaders are taught to believe that their emotions have no place at work, that showing emotion is a sign of weakness. A leader’s responsibility means having to absorb stress to protect the team, but mastering this skill too well means you’ll find yourself at an emotional distance from your colleagues.

The Importance of Emotional Communication

When employees are able to see their leaders as emotional, fallible human beings, they learn how to show emotion themselves. They feel comfortable expressing vulnerability and talking about fear. This, in turn, brings about more creative and productive work sessions and tighter workplace bonds.

Let’s face it: The competition for top talent is tough. And it’s not the company with the biggest bonuses or the most customers that will tempt your employees away. Rather, the company with the best culture seems the most appealing. Over 60% of employees would quit their jobs if they felt underappreciated.

There’s a difference between employee engagement and employee connection. Employees can feel totally motivated and inspired by the content of their jobs, but if they don’t feel connected to the team, to the company, or to you as a leader, they might respond to that sweet-talking recruiter’s email.

To keep employees feeling connected, leaders must learn the difference between emotion as weakness and emotion as humanity. They must be able to reform the narrative they’ve internalized and express themselves through emotional communication.

How to Become Better at Communicating Your Emotions

Leaders who have become scared of showing emotions need practical ways of honing their emotive communication styles for the sake of their employees and the future of their workplaces.

1. Reframe thoughts as feelings.

In modern English, we use “I feel” to cover all manner of statements: “I feel like I got hit by a bus.” “I feel like you did that on purpose.” These are thoughts dressed up as feelings and can fool us into thinking we’re practicing emotional communication.

In other languages, “to feel” is very different from “to think.” To truly practice showing emotion, make a Talk SHIFT. Find the real feeling behind what you’re about to say. For example, you might want to say, “I feel like you did that on purpose.” However, the emotion underlying that statement might actually be sadness. Instead say, “I feel sad because I thought you did that on purpose.”

This may be difficult to accomplish in a corporate setting. But if you can practice pinpointing how you really feel, you’ll meet employees on humbler footing.

2. Let go of judgment.

When leaders are first practicing showing emotion, they often confuse feeling and judgment. Instead of saying, “I feel sad,” they say, “I feel betrayed.” This word may sound like a real feeling, but it actually directs the statement back at the listener in an accusatory way. It implies that you said, “You betrayed me.”

These false feelings — betrayal, frustration, disappointment — can be unhelpful in a workplace setting. Instead, fall back on straightforward feelings: sadness, anger, shame, loneliness. If your feeling ends in “-ed,” evaluate whether it’s real.

3. Focus on employee connection.

We spend so much time thinking and talking about engagement. It’s how we measure both our employees and our clients. But this marker of happiness can be misleading. Instead, focus on building connections with individual employees in which you challenge each other to share your true feelings.

This level of shared vulnerability will feel new and scary at first, but it will work wonders to bond your team members. Give your team reasons to ignore those recruiter messages.

The learning curve is steep for leaders learning how to show emotion: They’ve often spent their whole careers fearing that their emotions wouldn’t earn them respect. But once you recognize how emotions affect communication and how employees respond to witnessing your humanity, you’ll soon wonder how you ever got by without making these Talk SHIFTs.

If you haven’t already, take my free Talk SHIFT Assessment to measure the impact of your words. After you take it, I’ll give you pointed advice on how to improve!

Bon courage!

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How to Empower Employees to Reach — and Exceed — Their Goals

This article was originally published on TrainingIndustry.com

Developing employee performance goals is a key leadership skill that requires a careful balance to maximize results. When chosen strategically, performance goals can motivate employees to reach their full potential — but when settled upon carelessly, they can have the opposite effect on morale; performance; and, ultimately, business outcomes.

Overly ambitious goals can set people up for failure by intimidating them into inaction. If we don’t believe our goals are achievable in the first place, we give up long before we start. On the other hand, setting the bar too low can create a sub-par performance culture where employees give just enough effort to get by. How do managers secure employee buy-in on performance goals that are challenging enough to inspire high performance?

Research shows that giving workers more autonomy — the ability to make decisions, contribute ideas and manage their own responsibilities — results in happier, more engaged employees, as well as improved job performance and motivation. Managers who provide “supportive autonomy” create conditions in which employees can thrive and then step back and give them the space to succeed. Applying this management approach to setting performance goals enables employees to set targets for themselves that they believe in while achieving the results the organization requires.

Sparking a significant shift in organizational performance often starts with simple conversations. When managers ask the right questions, they can lead their team to discover the answers for themselves. Here five questions managers can ask to help employees set, and conquer, their own goals:

1. How Would You Define Success on This Project?

What would be a great outcome versus a good outcome? How would the employee define a wild success versus a minimal one? By determining the outer boundaries of success on a project, the manager and employee can decide together what a reasonable expectation for success actually looks like — an outcome that is legitimately achievable while aligned with the manager’s expectations for the employee’s performance. This question is the starting point.

2. What Are the Biggest Roadblocks to Achieving This Definition of Success?

Managers should encourage employees to indicate which obstacles to success are within their own control and which are out of their control. For example, one team member may lack the technical expertise to complete a task, while another might be dealing with inadequate time or resources.

When managers ask the right questions, they can lead their team to discover the answers for themselves.

3. What Actions Can You and the Organization Take to Remove Those Barriers to Success?

Managers can provide supportive autonomy by asking employees to create an action plan to address each issue that stands between them and success. While it’s important to encourage team members to solve their own problems, it’s also essential to provide them with the necessary professional development opportunities, resources or tools to help them overcome the obstacles they identify.

4. What Would Have to Happen for Us to Fail to Achieve This Goal?

Based on the barriers to success and the parameters of success they have determined, managers should ask employees to describe the conditions under which they would fail to accomplish their minimum level of success. What is the worst-case scenario under those conditions?

5. What Goal Would You Set for Yourself?

It all comes down to one question: What is the outcome the employee actually expects to achieve on this project? When that question has an answer, the manager has successfully helped the employee define a performance goal that’s challenging enough to be considered a success — for the employee and the organization — and realistic enough to be achievable despite potential roadblocks.

Bonus Question: What Would Have to Happen for You to Achieve 10% More?

If an employee sets the bar too low, there’s nothing stopping the manager from requiring a better result. Even if the manager is happy with the goal the employee has set, however, he or she should ask what the individual or the organization would have to start or stop doing in order to reach an outcome that’s 10% more successful.

Demanding above and beyond may come with its own risks; when managers ask for 10% more, some employees might reduce their goal by another 20% at their next performance review. Managers should use this question as a way to encourage their team members to perform to the best of their capabilities, but they should stay within the defined expectations of success to maintain buy-in.

After all, this approach doesn’t mean managers are giving employees complete autonomy to set their own goals — they’re just giving them an opportunity to set a goal that’s equal to, or even higher than, what they had in mind for them anyway. When people believe a goal is within their reach, they’re more likely to perform at the top of their game. That’s a win for organizations, for managers and for employees.

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How to Practice Empathy When It Feels Unnatural

As someone who was an engineer and not naturally inclined to be emotionally intelligent, empathy did not come easy to me. However, I have learned throughout my career that empathy is essential to building deeper, committed relationships at work and at home. We feel more connected to our bosses and employees as well as our spouses and kids when we prioritize understanding their feelings.

 And I’m not the only one who thinks this is important. More and more businesses are realizing why empathy is important at work. It acts as a conduit for forging commitment, loyalty, and trust between coworkers, leading to higher productivity and lower staff turnover. Research shows that empathy is a desired characteristic in management, which is probably why 20% of companies offer empathy training.

A team without an empathetic leader will struggle with the fear of failure at work. You can blame our systemic response to fear on the prefrontal cortex. Like a fickle muse, the prefrontal cortex delivers imagination and innovation — but only on its terms. As soon as fear enters the picture, this area of the brain goes AWOL. 

As an empathetic leader, you can help teach your employees how to overcome fear at work. If your team knows their leader really understands what they’re going through, they’ll feel more comfortable expressing themselves. But in order to reach this point, you have to practice empathy. 

Even though the importance of empathy is clear, leaders who do not have a natural inclination for emotional intelligence struggle to practice it. So how do you add this skill to your toolbox? Well, take a guess.

Imagine this scenario: An employee you supervise walks into the office and you immediately notice that he doesn’t seem like himself. You go over to greet him and ask them how he’s doing. He replies, “I just feel really off my game today.” 

Now, as a leader, you want to get to the bottom of this feeling to see if there is an underlying issue you can attempt to solve. This is where the guesswork comes in to play as you work to truly amplify employee engagement.

You say: “I wonder if you’re feeling tired.”

What happens next is that people will think about their feelings and correct your guess. From there, we naturally learn to become more attuned to the people in our lives.

“No, I think I feel more overwhelmed.”  

This is great. While it’s not great that he feels overwhelmed, we have effectively done two things. First, we’ve learned a little more about the telling signs of an overwhelmed employee. Second, we’ve opened the door to a conversation about why they are feeling overwhelmed and what we as their supervisor can do to curb that. 

In addition to instituting these “empathy guesses” in your interactions, here are some other quick tips for becoming a leader who understands the advantages of empathy: 

How to Be a Better Leader Using Empathy

1. Share the gift of gratitude.

Appreciated people feel more comfortable sharing their emotions at work. When your employees do their best, recognize them. You don’t have to bust out a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade; just say a simple “Thank you.” Telling personnel that you’re glad that they’re on your team sends the message that you value their contributions. Employees will be more likely to approach you for help when they don’t feel like they’ll be penalized for it.

2. Lend an ear to your employees.

 Is someone on your staff floundering? They might be dealing with problems outside of work and need someone to encourage them. Tell them you’re concerned about their well-being and want to figure out a way to get them back on track. If they’re willing to open up about the crux of their fear, then encourage them to explore worst-case scenarios and outcomes. Typically, verbalizing the scariest possible situations takes away the sting of worry.

3. Check your tongue. 

For some individuals, stress explodes into full-blown anger. As a leader, try to empathize during these moments; show compassion instead of lashing out in retribution. The calmer you can be, the sooner your employee can start naming their triggers. Make no mistake: This is tough, especially if you’re at the receiving end of a tirade. However, getting to the bottom of the emotional problem can diffuse the drama and reduce future friction.

4. Encourage everyone to practice emotional intelligence.

Perhaps you’ve already taken empathy workshops, but do your team members know the role of empathy in communication? Be sure everyone around you understands the importance of empathy to emotional intelligence. Set aside time to discuss how to handle feeling clueless at work. You can also plan occasional office field trips where people have the chance to let loose, have fun, and melt away anxiety.

 5. Put empathy on your daily to-do list.

Forming a habit requires intentional effort.  Something as simple as writing a physical note reminding yourself to be empathetic for the next 24 hours can position your mindset for the day. At the end of the day, you can reflect on whether or not you were empathetic in your interactions and think about what you would do differently. With regular practice, you’ll be able to recognize other people’s emotions and what role, if any, you play in improving them.

If you want to learn how to be a better leader, practice empathy. Start with some guesswork and identify the root cause of someone’s feelings. When you explore the true importance of empathy, you’ll create a more supportive and encouraging work environment.

If you want to start a Talk SHIFT in your life and organization, take my assessment. By evaluating the effectiveness of your words, you can create a ripple that affects your employees, clients, friends, and families.

On a scale of one to 10, how helpful was this story to you? Share your thoughts on social media using #TalkSHIFT. 

Bon courage!

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3 Signals That a Company Cares About Its People

Have you ever thought you found the perfect job opportunity only to land the position, start work, and discover the exact opposite? Unfortunately, it happens frequently, especially when the company’s values don’t match your own. This article originally published in Careerbright. To read the full article, visit Careerbright.

Nearly half of human resources managers have job openings that remain unfilled longer than they would like, mostly due to a lack of qualified applicants. When that happens, they will do anything to get someone on board. Management hopes that setting up a game room and hosting the occasional happy hour celebration will attract top-quality talent to the organization. While those culture perks may be fun for employees in the beginning, most workers want benefits that truly matter (and they should fight for those).

Companies that not only know their purpose and values but publicly advertise them are the places where you want to work. With increasing frequency, businesses are learning that employees don’t head to work each day just to make a salary: They want to contribute to an effort that they believe in and that helps the greater good.

 Finding a Good Supervisor

For job seekers, it is important to find a company that cares about its employees — and perhaps more important, a supervisor who cares. The best-case scenario is to be employed by both a company and a boss who care about you, because it can be draining to work for a good company with bad leadership.

Smart candidates will make sure they like their supervisors as much as the positions they apply for. You and your potential employer should both walk away convinced that you are the best fit for the job and vice versa.

So when the interviewer asks whether you have any questions, you should absolutely assess and interview in return. Ask questions like, “How many employees have left your team in the past two years, and why did they leave?” Ask about employee engagement, the company culture, and how the company scores itself on living up to its core values. Asking questions serves to help you better understand the job and company and will shift the dynamic of the interview into more of a two-way conversation.

 Signals That a Company Cares

Along with the interview process, you can look for several other indications that a company actually cares about its employees:

 Someone gives you a realistic job preview.

You want the company to give you a realistic preview of the position. Every company has some dysfunction, so look for signs that it’s transparent about areas that need improvement. In the final stages of the hiring process, you want the potential employer to divulge both the positives and negatives about working for the company. You also want the honest, realistic view of your exact position: the work environment, duties, and expectations. Not only will you have the correct expectations regarding the job, but you can also decide whether the position is the ideal fit for you and your skills.

They have implemented a clear onboarding plan for you.

Your first day should proceed without hiccups. A human resources department that has a thoughtful and effective onboarding process allows new hires to settle in properly. Your desk and/or office space should be established, and you should have a working computer ready to go. You should also have a team member who guides you through the first few days and introduces you to the rest of the department. Someone in leadership should interact with you and take you to lunch to get you acclimated.

 They offer mentorship on the job.

These first impressions are critical for employee engagement, and you want a manager who takes extra time and care to ensure that you find friends and at least one mentor during the first day or week of your new position. A survey by Comparably found that more than half of employees in the technology industry have best friends at their places of employment. Friends are vital to a successful career as they make you seven times more likely to be engaged while working. Friends boost your mood and morale and also offer the emotional strength to face challenges and crises.

Companies that take it a step further and offer sponsorship opportunities are an even better place to work: You’ll have a champion focused on your success and career advancement.

When you job search, it’s key to know your worth and not settle for just any open position. Take the time to research, ask questions during the interviews, and look for the signals that indicate the company will take care of you from the very first time you set your foot in the door. That type of company has the values and culture you want to affiliate yourself with.

How Your Inner-Monologue Influences Your Leadership

A key objective of business leadership is to inspire others to take action, perform at the top of their game and ultimately deliver optimal results for the organization. Managers play a significant role in employee engagement, with the most effective bosses setting the stage for their teams to achieve greatness. 

Are the words you’re speaking to your team members supporting high performance or stopping the potential for success in its tracks? The answer, and the root of the problem, might surprise you.

If you’ve watched my keynote before, you’ve heard this story, but there’s something else I would like to add on to the end, so stay with me. 

I was once in an aikido dojo for one of those “touchy feely” leadership training workshops, and we were partnered up to do an exercise called “the grab.” As luck would have it, I was paired with a woman from HR. The workshop facilitator informed us that we were going to practice making requests of people. My eyes rolled back in my head as I thought to myself, “I’ve been managing people since I was 20 — what do I possibly have to learn about making requests of people?” 

The facilitator must have caught my dubious look, because that’s when he turned to me and asked a pivotal question that would lead me to change my perspective on leadership communication forever. 

He said: “If you don’t need any practice making requests of others, think about a request you would make of yourself.”

Ok, kinda hokey — but I was game. (I mean, I’d already paid for the workshop, after all.) The exercise went something like this: when it was your turn, you were supposed to take two steps forward, grab the arm of your partner, and then make a request of them. Ok, fine. Simple enough.

I thought for a while and came up with a request that I might ask of myself: to get up off the couch and get some exercise. (I was on sabbatical at the time, and let’s just say I wasn’t exactly hitting the gym every day.) When it came time for my turn, I stepped forward and said to my partner: “You should go workout. You’re undisciplined and lazy!”

Pause for crickets.

Needless to say, this did not have the motivating effect that I had intended. My partner looked aghast and said to me, “Not only do I not want to go exercise — you made me want to sit on the couch for the rest of the day!” (Which is often what ended up happening when I asked myself in this way.) 

How could language like “undisciplined” and “lazy” ever encourage anyone to take action? It doesn’t. And yet many of us as leaders utilize this kind of language and expect followership.

Sowhere had, “You’re undisciplined and lazy!” come from? After all, I had worked 60-100 hour weeks for 20 years. How is that “undisciplined and lazy”? 

Then, it hit me: those are the words my father spoke to me when I was young. 

After all these years, those very same words he had used to get out of bed in the summers as a teen were continuing to echo through my mind and seep into my leadership communication as an adult.  

Except now they were in my words instead of his.

Here’s what I realized that day: The words we speak to others are often just an echo of the words we speak to ourselves. And the words we speak as leaders will echo in the minds of those we lead for years to come.

So how do you embark on the process of changing this negative self-talk that will inevitably come back to bite you? My approach involved writing affirmations to myself in the “you” form, as if someone was talking to me. 

I wrote: “Your father’s voice says, ‘Krister, you are undisciplined and lazy.’ Your voice says: ‘Krister, you are disciplined and strong.’ 

Whose voice will win today — yours or his?”

Overcoming my negative thoughts involved identifying where they came from in the first place and replacing them to reject them. 

Is your internal monologue negatively impacting your leadership communication? What are the words you use with people around you that will echo in their minds, as well as the minds of their family and those they lead, possibly for years? 

If you're looking to improve your leadership communication — and results — start by shifting the words you speak to yourself. It will not only have a lasting impact on your ability to inspire followership, it will also inspire a ripple effect of positive interactions in all areas of your life.  

Take my Talk SHIFT Assessment to help start a Talk SHIFT in your life and in your organization.

On a scale of one to 10, how helpful was this story to you? Share your thoughts on social media using #TalkSHIFT. 

Bon courage!

Micromanagement Doesn’t Have to Be a Leadership Curse Word

Most people put micromanagement in a category that includes root canals and interminable in-law visits. To be fair, they’re not entirely incorrect. Micromanagers are typically an organizational scourge. But what if there were a way to micromanage usefully?

It sounds like an interesting theory, right? Get this: It’s not theoretical. It’s a deliberate way of taking the best of micromanagement while jettisoning the worst of the practice. And when handled correctly, it can benefit any business.

From Boundlessness to the Road to Success

First, let’s look at what micromanagement is. To put it simply, a micromanager is someone who sets tight boundaries around an employee. Unfortunately, too many leaders go overboard in the process. They hover, they criticize, and they demoralize. As some researchers have observed, that’s a recipe that makes any department or business vulnerable to disruption.

For high-performance talent, micromanaging seems rather Big Brother-ish because it wastes time and energy. But what about a worker who isn’t meeting his targets or goals? In that case, micromanagement — when implemented correctly — might be a way to set parameters to help him succeed, not to punish him.

This isn’t an entirely new concept. In “High Output Management,” a groundbreaking book originally published in 1983, author Andy Grove coined the term “task-relevant maturity.” Essentially, it’s a way of managing superstars who killed it in one industry but are moving to a new industry. A top medical sales performer entering the real estate field, for example, has low task-relevant maturity in his new industry despite past successes. That person will likely require some micromanagement to build his knowledge level.

Of course, deliberate micromanagement can be a tricky thing. When embarking on it, follow these simple rules of the road:

Call it something other than micromanagement.

Obviously, you’ll have to tell underperformers or new employees that you’ll be spending more time with them than you would with others, but you don’t want to make them feel like they’re being treated like children. Perception is reality, after all. Instead of referring to what you’re doing as micromanagement, try calling it something else, like a boundary agreement. Explain that you’re doing it because you believe they could ramp up their game or because of their lower level of industry understanding. Ensure they know that as they grow and improve, you will back away and let them soar.

Share your end game.

Let’s pretend one of your sales professionals is consistently coming in 3 percent below target. Sit down with this person and explain that you want daily or weekly updates until her numbers get back on track. You have every right to get involved in what’s happening — and you might find that she feels a little relief because of your mentoring and help. That said, agree on a potential stop date for the micromanagement, perhaps when the sales rep hits targets for a certain number of months in a row.

Create a document that outlines what will happen.

It’s not enough to just tell an employee your plans for increased management; you need to put it in writing. Explicitly outline the boundaries of what you discussed. For example, if you told a team member you were going to get involved in projects that cost more than $500,000, generate a written agreement that says just that. Remember that thoughtful micromanagement isn’t about checking in on every single item; you can micromanage an employee in one area while still offering an authority raise in another. It’s all a matter of individual needs.

The term “micromanagement” is often greeted like a four-letter word. But it doesn’t have to be. Like many managerial strategies, it can be a useful and effective tool when approached with clarity and forethought. Want to learn about other ways to manage for great outcomes?

Check out more powerful insights and ideas at https://www.krister.com/tools.

How to Incorporate Forgiveness in Business

This article was originally published in HR Daily Advisor."

Summary: Executive coaching often includes corporate communication training, but many of these programs are missing a key element: forgiveness. But forgiveness is crucial for developing a strong and emotionally healthy work environment. Here are three tips for facilitating an environment of forgiveness in your organization.

How to Incorporate Forgiveness in Business

In the HR field, communications training remains a hot topic. Bestsellers such as “Difficult Conversations” and “Crucial Conversations” enjoy Kindle bookmarks and repeated readings. But a closer look reveals that communication training is simply a bandage covering a deeper issue that could be solved by one thing: forgiveness.

We seem quite comfortable acknowledging that our business interactions might lead us to butt heads, but if we give people a step-by-step process for forgiveness, there will likely be less conflict that requires a "crucial conversation" to smooth over.

Let me be clear: When I say "forgiveness," I’m not talking about becoming a perennial victim. As psychologist Bob Enright has noted, forgiveness happens internally. It’s not necessary to remain friends or allies with someone who has wronged you; justice and reconciliation are separate experiences from forgiveness.

Instead, I’m talking about becoming more fulfilled, healthy, and effective. When emotional intelligence and attitudes of forgiveness become a way of life among the leaders of a company, its employees experience a noticeable uptick in job satisfaction, per a South African study. And that’s smart business.

Reducing the forgiveness taboo

It’s funny: We don’t hear a lot about forgiveness. Business schools don’t teach it in a course. Onboarding manuals skip it. Perhaps it’s the potential religious overtones that makes forgiveness a taboo subject in the working world. However, executives needn't shun it, because forgiveness has secular components.

For example, in Colin Tipping’s book “Radical Forgiveness,” he sets up a framework for practicing forgiveness regardless of faith. He breaks down forgiveness as a fundamental skill that’s important in everyday life, whether between business colleagues or family members. His step-by-step process for forgiving — even in the absence of apologies — has the power to train leaders on how to stop blaming others. In fact, he reveals that what most angers us might be traits we mirror.

Case in point: I could say that I was angry because someone is being arrogant. But if I’m honestly self-aware and willing to take a step back, I might discover that I’ve reciprocated that arrogance. Basically, what’s irritating me is my own behavior just as much as the other person’s behavior. This helps me come to a place of understanding from which forgiveness can grow. From that point, I can move on rather than unproductively stewing in my own (toxic) anger.

It’s not difficult to see how such a sudden thought shift can have far-reaching implications. As one Luther College-based study discovered, those who lead a more forgiving lifestyle are less likely to exhibit high stress and worse mental health. Along the same lines, a Johns Hopkins Hospital director interviewed for a piece on healthy aging linked forgiveness to improved overall health.

Of course, my words of praise for forgiveness aren't just science-based. They're coming from my history of working for a demanding, difficult CEO for nearly 15 years. My anger toward this man spilled over into my relationships with my direct reports and even my family members. Ultimately, it persisted even after the CEO retired and I took over the CEO role myself. Our contentious connection had affected me so deeply that I had trouble staying calm even after he was no longer leading me.

However, after years of working together, I was with him as he experienced a moment of vulnerability. Witnessing that moment was a shock; all that anger and resentment I held toward him began to soften. The bulk of my pent-up frustrations melted away. I forgave, and the clouds lifted on our relationship.

Facilitating an environment of forgiveness

You can’t expect your team to establish a culture of forgiveness overnight. Still, you can take those first steps toward making forgiveness acceptable and desirable within the walls of your business. Use these tips to get started:

Reflect on your own forgiveness level.

 Think of two or three people toward whom you harbor anger. Why are you irritated? What makes you mad when you think about those folks? Dig deep to acknowledge and recognize your unproductive feelings. Name them without shame. Though it might not be a pleasant experience, it’s essential to understand how holding onto grudges detracts people from achievements and success.

Pick up a copy of “Radical Forgiveness.”

 Either grab a paper copy of Colin Tipping's book or download it onto your mobile device. Not only will you understand the concept of secular forgiveness on a larger scale, but you’ll see how forgiveness can be utilized to cultivate a healthier organization. At that point, you’ll be prepared to bring forgiveness to the rest of your team members, especially those in leadership positions or who are about to come into the fold.

Complete a forgiveness inventory.

 Let me be extremely clear: I don’t get any commissions on “Radical Forgiveness,” so my advice is completely untethered to profits. With that having been said, I believe that the worksheet and other tools available online offers a fantastic way to explore forgiveness. You’ll want to adapt the worksheet for your corporate purpose and make tweaks after the initial beta test. In time, a forgiveness inventory might become part of your HR training for higher-ups.

Is it realistic to assume that everyone on your payroll will instantly jump into a state of utter forgiveness after taking these steps? To be sure, that’s one of those “forgiveness fantasies.” Like any other switch in attitude, forgiveness takes time to develop and implement. That’s OK. As forgiveness becomes a key element in your executive training, it will seep into the cracks of your corporate environment. Eventually, all those positive leanings will foster stronger, emotionally healthier decisions across your company.

Krister Ungerboeck is a leadership keynote speaker and CEO coach who helps leaders unearth unseen potential in their organizations, their teams, and themselves. Before becoming the world's first leadership archaeologist, Krister was the award-winning CEO of a global tech company. He has done business in more than 40 countries, built businesses in five, and has lived in three.

Tags: leadership, emotional intellingence

Are Your Company's Rising Stars Ready for the Big Promotion? Here's How to Make Sure They Are.

This article was originally published in Entrepreneur.com 

Companies love to think that that outside hire they've just scored is the silver bullet that will solve their problems. But without constant, focused development and serious planning, that person could actually turn the organization into a bull's-eye.

Consider GM's journey with outsider Johan de Nysschen: Thinking Nysschen would serve as the shot in the arm its Cadillac brand needed to compete in the luxury car industry, GM installed him as president of the brand with high hopes. But over the subsequent few years he then served in the position, Cadillac's sales declined 11 percent.

In April, GM's top brass replaced de Nysschen with someone who had been with the organization for decades -- someone who already knew the ins and outs of how the company worked. Whether the decision to hire externally to fill the role of president was a fatal one isn't yet clear, but this story serves as a cautionary tale.

According to some schools of thought, hiring from outside your organization results in higher-quality leaders than does promoting from your rank and file. In some situations, that might be true, but as GM's experience shows, it's not always the case. Instead, executives looking to fill management positions should focus on offering continual leadership development with the intent to promote from within.

THE RISKS OF HIRING EXTERNALLY

What's the risk of bringing in outsiders? It all comes down to squandered resources, the largest of which is money. Recruiting costs are hefty. Plus, if you have a superstar at your company who makes $100,000 but isn't ready to be promoted from within, you won't be able to hire someone at $110,000 instead. You'll probably need to hire someone at $150,000 or $200,000 to ensure this new leader can command respect from your current employee.

In my experience, a $200,000 external hire can cost anywhere between $300,000 and $1 million over a five-year period. And the largest portion of that cost occurs because of the people who have jumped ship because they weren't promoted.

If your $100,000 superstar sees someone just "5 percent better" get hired, he or she will likely wonder about the lack of help needed to make that 5 percent improvement himself (or herself). Whether that person then leaves alone or leaves and takes teammates, the resulting walkout creates gaps and friction.

INVESTING IN YOUR PEOPLE

As reported by the Harvard Business Review, about half of those executives who are hired from outside an organization reach the point of failure before the 18-month mark. It's clear, then, that an external hire likely won't be the silver bullet to solve all of your company's problems. Instead, you should focus on investing in your own people.

To do that, ensure that your current employees are ready when an opportunity for promotion comes around, by building an internal leadership development plan. Creating a framework for training your employees to take on different stages of leadership might sound daunting, but if you begin with the following steps, you'll be on track to help your workers attain their career goals and improve your chances of making successful promotions.

VIEW LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT AS AN INVESTMENT PORTFOLIO.

You’re investing in your people, so pick a small number of individuals and put a significant amount of training money into each. Sign retention agreements for your fiscal protection. Begin those talented workers' leadership development with assessments in an array of fields, from problem-solving to cognitive skill, to determine a quantitative basis for improvement.

After assessing these future leaders, determine the objective growth potential for each. Johnson & Johnson does this, as Cornell University researchers explained in an article on the conglomerate's training processes. The company puts people who want to rise through its ranks into the Johnson & Johnson Standards of Leadership program. By creating a protocol, the organization ensures all executives will meet basic skills and abilities before moving up the corporate ladder.

CHOOSE SHORT-TERM WAYS TO INVEST YOUR MONEY.

After you've determined which potential leaders you want to invest in, determine the ways in which you'll do that investing. Limit your choices to short-term activities. For instance, try sending an employee to a conference and then following up after a month or two to see how he or she has implemented the knowledge gained through that experience.

Be careful about sending employees through degree programs, as those are long-term investments that often cost five to 10 times more than individual training courses or conferences. Plus, some employees will use a degree program as a résumé builder or opportunity to find other employment. 

Your particular investments should be low-cost and incremental so you can evaluate your ROI every quarter. David Blake, CEO at e-learning company Degreed, agrees, based on his company's research, that smaller, more regular development opportunities are the most effective.

ASK POTENTIAL LEADERS TO MATCH YOUR DOLLAR INVESTMENT WITH A TIME INVESTMENT.

Although it makes sense for you to provide your leaders with the right tools, the entire improvement process can't be up to you. The people you're investing in need to take time outside of their work lives to improve their executive leadership talents. Whether they read books, watch podcasts or take courses, their time match must be consistent and tangible.

Engage your prospective or current executives in regular one-on-one and group coaching sessions to ensure they're following through. They’ll have the chance to report on what they’ve done, what actionable goals they’ve achieved and what they plan to do next.

If the coaching session is led by a current or former CEO, your executive can get feedback and advice from someone who's been in his or her shoes. As a bonus, you’ll be at the forefront of your industry if you make strides now. According to a Deloitte report, 56 percent of participating companies surveyed said they hadn't prepped for future leaders, and only 7 percent had millennial-based leadership programming.

At the end of the day, the crux of your company's decision doesn't need to have an external-versus-internal focus. If you commit to improving your most talented, engaged employees through a well-structured leadership development program, the answer to that question should be a no-brainer. With strong organizational support, your hard-working employees have a fighting chance to become your next great executives.

Tags: leadership

Do You Struggle With EI? Three Hacks Will Help You Boost Your EQ.

This article originally appeared in CEOworld Magazine.

Emotional intelligence has been in the leadership spotlight for decades, but that doesn’t mean today’s leaders are any better at identifying, evaluating, controlling, or perceiving emotions in themselves or others. Despite a TalentSmart study that linked high emotional intelligence with strong workplace performance (and Google’s statistical findings that depict EI as more important than technical skills), executives continue to lag behind in the empathy department.

What’s behind the C-suite’s struggle to understand colleagues’ feelings, needs, and expectations? As one Harvard Business Review article explained, the higher up in the corporate ranks someone is, the higher his or her tendency toward inflated ego and self-interest. Not surprisingly, this leads to a disconnect between managers and employees, which can directly affect engagement by up to 70 percent, according to Gallup.

While I’ve always had a strong logical understanding of EI, I assumed it simply involved me telling others how I was feeling. I was mistaken. What I’ve come to understand is that EI isn’t based on being transparent with your initial emotions but on diving beneath the surface to find out what’s motivating those emotions. It can be difficult to stop from lashing out automatically, as leadership involves wielding power and making immediate choices. But when emotions are involved, executives must learn to hold back.

THE ABCS OF BUILDING BETTER EI

Wherever you are on the journey toward true emotional intelligence, you can enhance your progress with these three strategies:

Recognize anger as an alarm bell.

The next time you find yourself disappointed in your employees, pause and take a moment to assess your emotional state. Which emotions are you actually experiencing? Fear? Frustration? Confusion? You need to flesh out the true cause of your primary reaction. Think of anger like an alarm bell; it isn’t a primary emotion, after all.

It can be hard to admit when you’re terrified that a client will jump ship because a project wasn’t finished on time. Sure, you may be mad, but you’re more worried than anything. It’s more constructive to communicate that worry than to simply lash out without addressing the root cause of your ire.

Anger disconnects people, whereas primary emotions like fear or shame connect people. Most people don’t want their boss to be afraid or embarrassed, but being honest about those feelings make you more human and relatable. Your workers will appreciate your candor.

Beef up your emotional vocabulary.

There is research that part of improved emotional intelligence is simply having a deeper vocabulary to describe our emotions. For example, frustration and disappointment are variations of anger. An important element of EI is knowing the nuances.

We all understand basic emotions — happiness, anger, sadness, and so on. What separates those with high EI scores from people who struggle to empathize is the ability to identify secondary and tertiary emotions such as sentimentality, fascination, and skepticism. After all, how can you truly feel an emotion if you don’t have the words to describe it?

Being able to pinpoint precise emotional reactions in yourself helps you clarify your own feelings, but it also enables you to recognize them in others. If you aren’t able to acknowledge situations that make you feel hurt, then you’re more likely to say hurtful things to others and not understand the consequences of those actions.

Practice sensing how others feel.

If you aren’t an innately intuitive person, you might have trouble predicting others’ emotions. Therefore, you need to use trial and error to educate yourself in this arena. Need some help? Read “Nonviolent Communication,” a book written 50 years ago by a peace activist who created a communication technique to help defuse race riots. One of Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella’s first orders of business upon taking the helm was to recommend the book to his leaders so they could practice spotting and validating others’ emotions.

The language of nonviolent communication looks like this: “You are feeling _______ because you are needing _______.” By filling in the blanks here, we can experiment with identifying others’ emotions. People are more likely to correct us and tell us the actual emotion they are experiencing when we use this language.

Over time, you’ll get more accustomed to stifling knee-jerk emotions and controlling potentially negative impulses. Taking a moment to understand others lessens the likelihood that you’ll unconsciously say something that could potentially ruin a good relationship forever. Something you say in a split second of frustration can stick with a person for years; it’s not worth the risk.

The fundamental definition of “empathy” is the ability to understand another person’s emotions, and that’s the key to emotional intelligence. Fortunately, you don’t have to be born empathetic to develop the EI skill set. You simply need to recognize your need for improvement, actively pursue emotional knowledge, and pay attention to the reactions of yourself and others. In time, you’ll unravel the mystery of EI success.

Tags: leadership, emotional intellingence

4 Healthy Behaviors of Leadership Relationships

Most leaders have innate characteristics that tend to hold steady over time. “He tends to be fairly stubborn.” “She’s high-energy and no-nonsense.” Honestly, those traits can be assets rather than impediments.

However, when leaders try to relate to one another, a problem can occur if their communication and behavior styles don’t match. Fortunately, those elements can be learned. In fact, plenty of executives and founders would do well to rethink how they communicate.

Take the concept of forgiveness, for instance. It’s a bit of a rare commodity among the C-suite elite. Rather than being valued as a positive or powerful virtue, forgiveness is seen as weak. In reality, eschewing forgiveness stunts leaders’ emotional intelligence. Research proves a strong link between EI and job happiness; thus, grudge-holding executives hurt themselves by being unable to show compassion.

Of course, an inability to bury the hatchet is just one of several unproductive behaviors keeping executives from reaching individual and group success. On most teams, several others are also at play.

Unhealthy leader-to-leader habits

What are the actions that most hamper progress in the C-suite? Consider these: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.

Leaders who habitually find fault in others, act as though they’re being attacked, lack respect for their peers, and obstruct forward movement wind up keeping their companies at a standstill. Plus, these people tend to ruminate on their mistakes, playing conversations over and over, ultimately losing valuable work time grumbling. Not surprisingly, their frustration and anger boil over to their colleagues and employees, causing lost productivity.

As pessimism creeps through the office, individuals gradually enter into a state of low-grade or even high-grade irritation. Their creativity plummets. They can’t get in a state of flow. Everyone’s on edge. It’s a true recipe for becoming a sitting duck to disruptive competitors.

Changing the workplace leadership vibe

What’s the antidote to all this roiling and boiling? In a nutshell, vulnerability. Showing fear, sadness, hurt, and even shame opens the door to people viewing one another as human. It’s tough to turn a man into a monster if the man is showing a vulnerable side.

I’ve experienced this myself. My father and I had a contentious relationship, even as we worked together — he was my boss for a time. Even though I intellectually knew that his intense need to be right was a symptom of a deep subconscious insecurity, I didn’t see him in a new light until years later when I witnessed him cry and admit those insecurities for the first time. After that moment, my frustrations melted away; I was somehow more able to accept him for who he was. It was a vital part of my development, and it changed our connection for the better.

Leaders owe it to themselves and their organizations to work on their skill sets in all areas, including EI. If you’ve been mired in ineffective behaviors, commit to incorporating the following actions into your professional life:

Learn to apologize.

Saying you’re sorry goes far, especially on the job. In fact, during a research investigation, leaders who issued apologies were viewed by peers as transformational. Another study showed that leaders who apologized made others feel psychologically safer and simultaneously improved their own psyches. After all, when we admit we’re wrong, we don’t have to sit on our feelings. Instead, we can move on, remembering the regret and maybe even seeking to avoid future humiliation with better choices.

Show your vulnerability.

Worried that you’ll lose face if you show your vulnerable side? Guess again. Strong leaders are self-aware; this allows them to admit their errors. Yes, it takes courage to be vulnerable, but it pays off in a freed-up mind. As researcher Brené Brown has said, innovation isn’t possible without vulnerability. If you want to add value to your team, you must be open to showing yourself fully to the leaders around you. Not only will you add a sense of authenticity to your persona, but you’ll also foster deeper connections with peers.

Opt for forgiveness.

It can be difficult to forgive, but it sure beats taking revenge or allowing past transgressions to live rent-free in your mind. Make no mistake: You don’t have to become a pincushion or punching bag. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgoing justice when needed, nor does it require reconciliation. To forgive another is simply a willingness to be mentally constructive, not destructive. Interestingly, forgiveness can even lead to a significant improvement in stress levels. Even if you’re working in an intensely demanding position, forgiveness can combat the negative effects of anxiety.

As long as you’re a leader in business, you’ll need to develop your people skills. Opt to evolve, learning how to deal wisely with the tough aspects of being at the top. And when you start to slide into unproductive behaviors? Just remember these words attributed to Buddha: “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal ... ; you are the one who gets burned.”

Tags: leadership, emotional intellingence

5 Unconventional Tools to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

Like most leadership skills, emotional intelligence can only be learned through experience. No matter how much empathy and recognition of others’ feelings you bring to the table, you need to practice EI to improve.

Of course, that’s easier said than done. Many executives want quick fixes that provide immediate results. EI can mean the difference between inspiring teams to succeed or instigating an employee exodus — but it's not something you can manufacture overnight.

What makes EI so critical? As TalentSmart revealed through exhaustive research on the workplace skills that matter most, EI is a reliable predictor of success. Google came to the same conclusion, using its wealth of data to prove that employees widely preferred managers with an even temperament over those with high levels of technical proficiency.

Given these facts, why wouldn’t you want to give yourself an edge with stronger EI? As a Harvard Business Review article asserted, leaders motivated solely by self-interest are more likely to experience tragic failures than those who are attuned to people’s emotional responses. In other words, your best path to avoiding trouble is by strengthening your EI.

Use the following strategies to do just that:

Take the EQ-i assessment.

OK. This one isn't very unconventional, but it's important to know what your current level before you embark on a major change. Like your intelligence quotient, your emotional quotient also can be measured. A popular assessment tool called the EQ-i helps gauge where you stand in terms of your EI. With more than 20 years of science backing the measurement, you can be certain you’re getting solid information. But don’t stop there: To get a truer understanding of your EI, you need feedback from others as well.

You and your staff members will all benefit if you conduct a 360-degree assessment in addition to the EQ-i. The responses will show whether you are accurately predicting the emotions that your words and actions evoke in those around you. Don’t be discouraged if you see a large variance between your EI self-assessment and your 360-degree evaluation — it just means you have opportunities to improve.

Adopt the surprising communication secrets of peace negotiators.

When peace activist Marshall Rosenberg wrote the book “Nonviolent Communication,” the work didn’t resonate in the business world. Yet it's exactly the kind of hidden gem that you'd expect a leadership archaeologist to discover.

Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella agrees. Upon taking over as CEO at Microsoft, Nadella made reading Rosenberg’s book one of the first directives for his leadership team. The publication lays out an actionable, repeatable structure for validating the emotions of another person. That way, even if you’re starting with a very low EI, you can boost your score through trial and error. Why shoot in the dark when you can follow a path toward more natural empathy through a series of questions and responses?

Jump headfirst into acting or improv classes.

A critical component of EI is being able to sense emotions in ourselves and others. Acting trains us to get in touch with our emotions. When I took an improv workshop at Second City in Chicago, my goal wasn’t just to have a good time — it was to learn the skills that come from improvisation. Although most of us think of actors as reading from scripts or reciting lines, they’re actually diving deep into the emotions of their characters. They’re also sometimes given free rein to improvise, basing their actions and words on the emotions of their team members.

Whether you’ve never set foot on a stage or you’ve embraced the limelight, investigate acting strategies like method acting or the Meisner technique. Knowing more about how actors stay connected to their characters gives you an understanding of ways you can better respond in a variety of settings.

Experiment with psychodrama.

Obviously, EI has psychological roots. As a result, psychodrama might be valuable in your quest for EI improvement. Typically, psychodrama occurs in a group setting. The protagonist describes a traumatic moment, often one that took place in his or her early history. Group members play roles (e.g., the boss, the mother, the sister, or the boyfriend) decided by the main actor. They will either be given scripts or license to improvise.

When the action begins, each player must act out the scenario and fully embrace the experience. It’s a controlled way to not only knock off the emotional rust you’ve built up, but potentially get past something that’s making you resistant to increasing your EI.

Try somatic experiencing.

Have you ever noticed that strong emotions are often connected to feelings in parts of the body? When you’re afraid, your stomach starts to churn. Angry? You might get a headache or stiffness in your shoulders. Somatic experiencing helps you identify your emotional states by connecting them with the way your body reacts.

Is it unconventional? You bet. I’ve “taste-tested” somatic experiencing with plenty of success, though. Every time I went to a session, I seemed to feel hungry despite just having eaten. What I discovered was that certain emotions mimic the desire to eat. As I became more aware of this link, I opened the door to feeling through my body’s reactions, not just my core emotional state.

You can’t assume that you’ll become an EI guru overnight — or perhaps ever. But you can build your EI abilities through deliberate learning. A great first step is to think creatively about the many roads you can take to reach your full potential as a leader with an enviable EI.

Tags: ceo coach, leadership, emotional intellingence

Hiring Leaders is More Expensive than You Think

When companies need leaders, should they look outward or inward?

Although most know that an internal hire would be cheaper than an external pick, some executives might think that someone from outside the organization would be a silver bullet. In reality, that “silver” bullet is actually diamond-crusted or platinum.

The key is to consider the comprehensive breakdown of all the costs of hiring someone from the outside versus focusing on leadership development for team members with potential.

It might seem logical at face value to hire an outside candidate with all the skills you need rather than invest $5,000 or $10,000 to develop those skills in a current employee. However, getting the right individual in the seat might require more than $100,000 or even $200,000 — a price far higher than that associated with development courses, workshops, classes, or mentoring.

Why such a large figure? Let’s dig in to find out.

The Price of an Outside Hire

First, you can’t expect to hire someone a tiny bit better than your leading performers. You need to get someone who has an impressive résumé and track record. Otherwise, your key people will wonder why you didn’t just promote them.

At best, they’ll be disgruntled because you picked someone they will likely have to train. At worst, they’ll leave, taking with them the skills you have helped them build — or even loyal colleagues.

With that in mind, you’ll have to look for someone already making a salary 30 to 50 percent higher than your top employees. So if your best internal candidate makes $100,000, you’ll want to seek out a candidate currently making about $150,000. Once you find that ringer, you’ll have to convince him or her to join your organization by adding at least 20 percent to that number, upping your base cost to about $180,000 a year.

The money doesn’t stop there, though: Superstars might negotiate for more, such as expecting a salary of at least $200,000 to switch employers. When your new individual finally comes aboard, you’ll have to wait six to 12 month for full contributions. During that time, you’ll get minimal value out of your investment.

And when your leader is finally immersed in your culture, what are the chances of his or her success? According to research published in Harvard Business Review, nearly half of leaders who are hired externally fail within 18 months of being hired.

In other words, immediately looking externally is akin to playing the slots in Vegas. You’re running a serious risk that could backfire in terms of hurting your workplace culture and morale.

The Benefits of Internal Development

On the other hand, you could take a fragment of the hundreds of thousands you would spend on a single external hire and transform at least one of your high performers. Not only would you save money, but you would be able to assert a claim that you invest in your team.

Of course, not every investment will pan out. You may spend $20,000 a year on someone and still have to look elsewhere when push comes to shove. However, you would be able to say to your team member, “I’m sorry. You just haven’t grown because the company is scaling too quickly. We had to choose someone else for the responsibility for the benefit of the business.” That’s a far different conversation from one that begins, “We didn’t think you were ready and instead of trying to help you, we just used a recruiter to find someone stronger.”

No magic pill exists to ensure that your leaders will be successful or will stick around. If you take a few initial steps, you can improve the odds that at least some of your strongest team members will be worth your time and efforts when positions become available.

The first step is to run any individual you put on the leadership track through a leadership assessment. Usually, assessments cost between $1,000 and $2,000. Your goal isn’t to evaluate your employee cognitively, but to uncover his or her lacking attributes to form an objective basis for growth potential. For instance, some people’s assessments will show they need so much work that the investment might not be worth it. Others’ assessments will reveal only a few skills they need to hone in order to be ready for the proverbial corner office.

From the assessment evaluation, you can then craft a clear framework to understand where your top players are strongest and weakest. It’s a much smarter way to strategically ready your company for the future.

In reality, hiring externally is a costly venture with high stakes. Unless you’re ready to gamble everything, consider using my free leadership assessment with stellar people on your payroll to help create a roadmap for the skills they need to develop.

You might be surprised to discover that your next generation of executives is already in the fold. 

Tags: ceo coach, leadership, employee engagement

Management is More Important than Leadership

To take the management assessment, click here.

You’ve seen the “management vs. leadership” memes that people post on LinkedIn. They tend to recirculate every month or two. Typically, they have two columns of text comparing and contrasting the qualities of a manager (always negative) with the qualities of a leader (always positive).

“The manager drives employees. The leader inspires employees.”

Why is the manager negative? Because management is an endless source of derision in the business world. It is mocked in memes, in Dilbert comics, in social media posts. The general message seems to be, “Don’t manage! Lead!”

Why is Management a Four-Letter Word?

In a company of three hundred people, about fifty of those people are managers. Is it possible that all fifty of those managers are wasting company time and money? Is the work they do (the “work,” if you can call it that) really of no consequence or value? Would we all be better off if we had drastically fewer managers and more actual leaders?

Let me respectfully disagree. Actually, let me say something rather controversial.

Management is more important than leadership.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that an organization without good management will fail no matter how good the leadership is.

Too often in entrepreneurial companies – especially ones where the CEO had a bad experience in large corporate world - the CEO treats management like a four-letter word. “I didn’t create this company so we could have a bunch of paper-pushing managers!” As if management is detrimental to the organization.

The problem is that we have a misunderstanding of what the goal of management is.

Put simply, the goal of a manager is to maximize the results delivered by a group of people. Framed in that way, the value of management becomes clear, and mastering management skills becomes a positive force in any organization.

Language Is Part of the Problem

I suggest the problem begins with how we frame management.

People draw a distinction between “management” and “work,” as if “management” has nothing to do with “work”. Management is work. And management work is vital to any organization. Instead of creating a contrast between “work” and “management,” leaders need to talk about “management work.” It seems like a simple change, but the way we use language has a tremendous impact on our perception.

Compare: “I have to do some management” versus “I have some management work to do.”

It’s a subtle shift of language that makes a big change. When we begin to talk about management differently, people will begin to think of it differently. Instead of an alternative to work, it is simply another form of work—and a very important one.

Why Management Is More Important than Leadership

When I say, “Management is more important than leadership,” you might be tempted to respond, “Oh, that’s crazy talk. You can’t mean it.”

No, as provocative as it might sound, I think I’m onto something here. Ninety percent of all the people in any organization report directly to frontline managers. Those managers who are overseeing teams of five to twenty people have the first and more important interaction with almost every employee. If they aren’t managing well, the productivity of the whole organization suffers across the board, no matter how visionary and talented the executive leaders are.

Taken collectively, over 80% of the leaders in any company are first-line managers. If CEOs, shareholders and Board members continue to devalue management compared to leadership, this problem of poor management – and lack of maximizing the output of a team - will persist.

CEOs, investors, and boards who devalue management often wind up getting in their own way. I find that the frustrated executive leaders who view management with low-grade contempt are often themselves the reason why the company isn’t more successful. They don’t view management as a value-added activity, and this sets a tone throughout the entire organization.

The message that gets reinforced is, “Don’t just manage. Become a better leader!” As if doing away with the former would finally free the organization to thrive.

Frankly, the concept of becoming a better leader is so fuzzy that most managers can’t even wrap their heads around it without a lot of coaching. But the value-added activities of good management are easy to quantify—and they can be taught!

Andy Grove, CEO of Intel, wrote one of the best books on the subject, High Output Management, back in the 1980s. In it, he strongly champions the importance of mastering the discipline of management. As he says, effective managers increase the output of their organization by motivating their teams to attain peak performance.

So forget about your leadership for a moment. How’s your management?

One of the challenges is that we do not have a clear, actionable list of productive management behaviors.  To solve this, I’ve prepared an assessment to help you understand the specific management behaviors that generate value. Here are a few examples:

• Managers schedule and allocate work to maximize the output of the team.

• Managers delegate work to maximize people's time and state of flow, personal productivity, and personal growth.

• Managers hold others accountable in a manner that maximizes employee engagement by translating key performance indicators to individual quarterly goals and monitoring progress weekly against goals

For more insight on your level of management mastery or to assess a manager in your organization, click here to take the assessment.  

Tags: leadership

Don't Believe Your Own Hype

Employees dreaded getting into an elevator with Steve Jobs. As soon as the doors closed, he would start grilling them about what they were working on, and they knew they’d better have a good story. Some of those encounters have become legendary. Most notably, an anonymous woman who, according to Ed Niehaus, inadvertently stepped into an elevator with Jobs and heard, just a few floors later, “We are not going to need you.”

These kinds of stories have created an image of Steve Jobs that lingers in the minds of many business leaders, but are they accurate? Are they fair?

Ed Catmull, President of Pixar, worked with Steve Jobs for twenty-five years—longer than anyone else—beginning when Jobs was fired from Apple in 1985. According to Catmull, the Steve Jobs he knew was not the emotionally abrasive tyrant who fired people on the spot in elevators. In the final decades of his career, Jobs had become a very different person. He no longer possessed the fearsome personality that the biographies and Hollywood movies attribute to him.

Steve Jobs learned from his experiences and developed a different leadership style.

Sadly, many CEOs, especially in tech, reference those Steve Jobs biographies and say, “Ah, I’m on the right track. I’m an abrasive asshole, too. If it worked for him, it’ll work for me.”

I can relate. In order to succeed as a leader, I had to get over my need to be right all the time.

Even if the CEO is the smartest person in the room, they don’t have to prove everyone wrong all the time in order to grow a great company. Leaders must abandon the desire to

constantly build up their own self-image. It’s okay to admit when someone else has a better idea. It took me a long time to learn that.

The Smartest Person in the Room

When leaders become successful in the early stages of growth, they tend to start believing their own hype. They are the ones who know just what to do in every circumstance. They have the best ideas, and everyone looks to them for answers.

It’s a slippery slope that picks up speed as the company grows.

In a small company, your ideas might indeed be the best (statistically speaking). The CEO of a small company is often the one who knows the most and is closest to the data, but as the company grows, the CEO gets removed from the front lines. They stop being the one with the closest view of the data.

This makes sense. A small startup probably can’t afford to hire a highly experienced, super intelligent executive worth half a million dollars, which makes it easier for the CEO to be the smartest person in the room, especially when all of the other employees are young and early in their careers. Unfortunately, it’s during those early days that the CEO develops their self-image.

It became a real problem for me because I held onto this notion for a long time. Once the company grew, I started hiring some very intelligent, very experienced people because I now had the budget for it, but I kept right on believing I was the smart guy with all the answers. That attitude from a leader drives away talent and can, if not corrected, stifle growth. According to research in Harvard Business Review, many leaders become less empathetic, more arrogant, and more convinced of their own rightness as their company grows.

“Hey, I’m the big boss. Everyone comes to me with their problems, and I give them the solutions. That’s how it works. The company continues to grow, so clearly my solutions are the best.”

This kind of thinking makes it hard for leaders to start listening to other people. They never discover if other people on the team have better solutions, which reinforces their unhealthy self-image.

Without a wake-up call, it’s hard to stop the momentum of this downhill freight train.

This sometimes leads to an even more destructive idea, as the CEO starts to think, “The only way to get things done around here is if I do them myself. I wish I could just replicate myself and have ten mini-me’s working here. Then we’d accomplish a lot more.”

These kinds of leaders insist on having the last word in meetings. Even when someone offers a good idea, they feel compelled to respond, “That’s not bad, but here’s something better.”

They must be the first to talk and the last to talk—always, in every conversation.

A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

The CEO’s self-image becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because their attitude repels a lot of highly gifted people. The CEO truly is the smartest person at the company, but only because they’ve driven away or repressed so much talent. Employees who work for that kind of boss, if they endure, start to lose the muscle for problem-solving. They give up and just start letting the CEO solve every problem.

“Hey, Boss, what’s your idea? How do you want to solve this?”

That attitude is understandable. Consider what employees go through to get to that point.

You walk into a meeting, propose an idea, and the CEO shoots it down. After this happens three or four times, you start to say, “I’m just not going to share my ideas anymore.”

This is how you get employees to “quit and stay.” They simply give up, so now the CEO truly is the one with the best solution (the only solution) to every problem.

How can you rid yourself of this destructive need to be the smartest person in the room? The first and most important step is to recognize the tendency in yourself. Are you feeding your own self-esteem constantly?

Reframe your leadership role. You aren’t the one who has all the solutions. You’re the one who finds the problems, brings the team together, and tells them, “I want to hear your solutions.”

Think of yourself as a symphony conductor. The conductor might lean over and gesture for the strings to speak up. Then the conductor might lean the other way and gesture for the woodwinds to speak up. By doing so, beautiful music is created. For a deeper look at CEO secrets for tapping unseen potential, check out my book, Seeking CEO Secrets, coming this summer.